Overcoming Guilt and Shame: Why It’s OK to Ask for Help
Have you ever felt weighed down by the idea that you should be able to handle everything on your own? Many women experience overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame when they reach the point where they need help, whether it’s in their personal life, professional responsibilities, or simply managing the day-to-day. We have this perception, based on our own upbring, or life experiences that asking for help is a sign of weakness, leading to the belief that we must be self-sufficient at all times.
But here’s the truth: asking for help is not only okay, it’s necessary. No one can do everything alone, and there’s no shame in seeking support when life becomes too much to manage. In fact, being able to ask for help shows strength, self-awareness, and the wisdom to recognise when you need assistance.
If you’ve been struggling with feelings of guilt or shame for not being able to do it all, or perhaps you’ve simply made an error in judgement, it’s time to give yourself permission to let go of those burdens and embrace the support that’s available to you.
Why Do We Feel Guilty Asking for Help?
Many women are conditioned by their own upbringing or life experience to believe that they must excel in every aspect of life—whether it’s being the perfect mother, partner, employee, or friend. This pressure to meet unrealistic expectations can lead to feelings of guilt when you can’t "do it all." You might feel that by asking for help, you’re admitting failure or letting others down.
But guilt often arises from external pressures, not from reality. It’s important to understand that no one is meant to handle everything on their own, and by seeking help, you’re allowing yourself to show up more fully in the areas of life that matter most. This can help prevent burnout, which is often a result of taking on too much without asking for support. If you’re unsure whether burnout is affecting your life, explore our guide on recognising the signs of burnout.
How to Overcome Guilt and Shame
Overcoming feelings of guilt and shame starts with recognising where those feelings are coming from and challenging the beliefs that contribute to them. Here are some strategies to help:
Shift your mindset: Remind yourself that asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re human. We all have limitations, and reaching out for support allows you to manage those limitations in a healthy way.
Identify your triggers: What situations make you feel guilty or ashamed when asking for help? Is it at work, with family, or in social settings? Once you identify these triggers, you can start addressing the underlying beliefs that are fueling them. Our Anxiety Journal is a great place to start.
Challenge perfectionism: Many feelings of guilt stem from the belief that you should be perfect in all areas of life. But perfectionism is an unrealistic and unattainable standard. Letting go of perfectionist thinking can free you from unnecessary guilt and allow you to seek help when you need it. For more tips on letting go of unrealistic expectations, read our article on why women often struggle to prioritise their well-being.
Start small: If asking for help feels overwhelming, start small. Practice reaching out to trusted friends or family members for minor tasks or emotional support. Over time, you’ll build confidence in seeking assistance without feeling guilty.
Seek professional support: Talking to a counsellor can be an incredibly effective way to work through feelings of guilt and shame. A professional can help you develop healthier thought patterns and provide tools for managing the emotional burden of asking for help. Learn more about how counselling can help you navigate difficult emotions.
Why Asking for Help is a Sign of Strength
It’s important to remember that asking for help isn’t just beneficial for you—it’s beneficial for your relationships as well. When you allow others to support you, you’re strengthening your connections and fostering deeper relationships. Plus, by modelling the act of asking for help, you’re encouraging others to do the same, breaking down the stigma that we must always "have it all together."
There is no shame in asking for support. In fact, it’s one of the most courageous things you can do.
If you’ve been struggling with guilt or shame around asking for help, know that you don’t have to face it alone. Book a time to chat with Chat It Out, and we can work together to explore how counselling can help you move past these feelings and embrace the support you deserve.
